I Am Such A Writer's Groupie

This is a bit of a long story really, and I'm tired, so here's the short version:

Blake Butler has sent me a copy of his latest work, Scorch Atlas. I'm going to read it, and after I've read it I will burn it. Yes, burn it. I will also film the burning and send Blake the video.

Shame, it's a dead pretty book, and it's really good and monsieur B has even written "To Elle (and then something I can't quite make out) a monster everyday & have fun, yours Blake Butler".

Here Comes The Sun. Or Does She?

The skies hung really low today. Purplegray clouds sagging like an old woman's butt, threatening to spew rain but never getting round to it, a smell in the air like the inside of a black labrador's mouth; the foul stench of petrol fumes and smog from the industrial estate trapped in the atmosphere by the oppressive rainbags above.

I hate this weather. I hate it even more than I hated the snow, which was more than I've ever hated weather before.

Let There Be Laughter

I started reading this book yesterday. And if you're a parent, you should follow suit and head to your nearest library/bookstore immediately.

The philosophy is dead simple; five times more love than reproval is the key. Making room for "superspecial" time with your child everyday is the core to this, not just including him in everyday chores and such, but to actually take time and completely focus on your offspring to strengthen the relationship and bond.

I've started already. Today I popped Monster in a bath and, for the first time ever, got in the bath with him. We spent half an hour in there, splashing water and playing with cars and dinosaurs and laughing more than we normally do in a week. It was great.

It's not that I don't think I'm a good parent. I know I'm a good parent, but I want to be a GREAT parent. I want to be the best mum ever. And the most fun. And anything that helps me get there is ever so welcome.

Things I bought today

My favourite perfume ever which I coincidentally thought didn't excist anymore. Happy me!



"The Book of Laughter and Forgetting", a little booky-wook by Milan Kundera.




A Grand Sand "Chalk Gold" watch which I'm thinking will look GREAT once I have a tan...




A little pair of leopard ballerinas, although not this particular pair, just a similar looking bunch.

One More Day Like Today

There are days when I feel so damn lonely. Today's one.

I feel rootless, I feel shattered, I feel I have no one to confide in. I feel my life has just rushed past me and here I stand at the other end of the tunnel and the light wasn't a new light, it was just the old light reflecting.

I'm so bitter today and so angry, I'm tired, life hasn't been pretty and I've had enough now. I don't believe in happiness anymore and I don't believe in love and I don't believe in loyalty.

I lay awake last night convinced that I'll be alone now, because the only alternative is being a little less me than I am and I can't do that to myself again. I'm not good at relationships, people who are good to me bore me and people who are bad to me become obsessions. I just don't have the energy anymore, it's just an endless dance it seems and the last round wore me down.

Life is shit. Life repulses me. People annoy and irritate me and I want to be left alone. I've shared too much and given too much and sacrificed too much and here I stand now with nothing.